Unmotivated

It’s now week 3 of uni & I’ve fell into a bit a heap, study wise. I had a site visit yesterday which I had to take time off from work for, which in the end, I didn’t learn much from due to a few reasons. I was with a bunch of noisy first years & I’m a learner who prefers to do their own thing at their own pace. To have so many people around me who knew each other, was a little intimidating to be honest. I can talk to CEOs & Directors but I can’t cope with 40 other students. Go figure.

I also spent a lot of my first year as an OT supporting someone who worked at the site & it brought back so many memories, both good & bad. It reminded me so much of how my old career intersects with my new. It’s strange. It also didn’t help that the bulk of the group were first year students, so the content of the site visit was very much aimed that way. I had to sit through explanations of stuff I do on a daily basis, no offence but I just wasn’t patient enough to do that yesterday, given that I had just sacrificed some work time for it. It just wasn’t enough bang for my buck. Literally.

I did pick up some things which I guess helped a bit but it’s mostly what I do on a daily basis in my job anyway. Just in a government department instead of the private sector. And on a much smaller scale. The thing that I took from the whole session is that they are hiring & for us to apply.

I know I sound pessimistic at the moment but I’m so unmotivated & am exhausted from it all. I work hard for things but don’t see results, which I guess deters me & unmotivates me in a way. I hate being on this head space & in a rut. I’m waiting on news to see if my interview 2 weeks ago went any good, I really need to be earning decent money again. And I need to be doing what I want to do. In which career, it doesn’t matter so much to me anymore, as long as I am able to have a balance in life.

Need to get it all out of me today to try to purge myself of all the negativity & reinvigorate my brain. It’s just been one of those days.